tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086964263089037112024-02-20T04:56:35.276-08:00Games I am aren't playingLake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-2047781614426748122014-03-01T04:38:00.001-08:002014-03-01T04:38:16.876-08:00This week: "Randy Roofer" for the Commodore 64 (1985)Randy Roofer was a game created by Mark Burrows an 1985 for the Commodore 64.<br />
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The game follows the daily life of a roofer called "Randy". Players are given a brief intro of the streets Randy must work before we see Randy set off in his work's van.<br />
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The aim of the game is for Randy to make as much money as possible repairing roofs in his town. The player is set against a clock, so they know how much time they have to complete the jobs.<br />
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The game starts with Randy driving down his main road looking for work. As the van moves along automatically, it is up to the player to press the fire button to stop the van. This decision though is not random. As Randy must spot the speech bubble that appears with his name inside "RANDY!"<br />
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On stopping, Randy begins his work. Along the bottom of the screen is Randy's inventory of tools. These being ladders, nails, tiles, etc. For each job Randy selects all the items and tries to predict quantity for the likes of nails and slates. Then Randy climbs his ladder via joystick movement and competes the actions using fire.<br />
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The sub plot of the game would see Randy busy on a roof when a "wolf whistle" would be heard. Randy would have to quickly descend his ladder then go in the house. The player would be presented with a bar across the bottom of the screen. The joystick would then have to be wiggled to quickly to fill Randy's "Bonk Bar". Once full an "AAARGH!" noise would be heard before Randy would complete his job.<br />
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The game progressed like this over many enjoyable levels. As each roof was complete Randy would receive cash in his account. And as his wolf whistle was answered, Randy's "Happy Bar" went up.<br />
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This was until of course players got to level 50. Level 50 was the most difficult of them all and was practically impossible to complete. The timer was short. The jobs were many. And answering all the wolf whistles and filling the bar was palm destroying. But it was possible.<br />
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Late in the year a young gamer named Simon Stamp wrote to Score Lord Magazine. With his letter Simon had posted a high score photo and questions. The editors of Score Lord were impressed with his score but confused by the 10 year old gamers questions. These questions were thus:<br />
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1. Why does Randy slow down after level 50?<br />
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2. Why does Randy not climb his ladder in level 51?<br />
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3. Why does Randy not get out of the van in level 52?<br />
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With these questions Score Lord's best players decided to investigate further. After many hours of hand numbing play, one finally managed to complete the almost impossible level 50. What came next was a little surprising for the seasoned gamers. Level 51 started as every other but there was startling differences.<br />
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Firstly Randy's glowing pink face and red cheeks were now off white. Adding to this he moved slowly to his van to start his day. His van then moved off normally and as he approached his first house the ever present "RANDY!" speech bubble was seen. With this the gamer pressed the fire button to make Randy stop. Nothing happened. Again another house was passed with the call and still no stopping. Eventually after minutes of button mashing, Randy pulled over.<br />
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Randy sluggishly checked his inventory. But instead of the healthy supply numbers, all that could be seen was random symbols like: £$%&. The gamers played on despite the set back and began fixing the roof. As expected the wolf whistle was heard and Randy descended slowly to complete the task as familiar through every level. When presented with the "Bonk Bar" though it was not red, but green.<br />
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The Bonk Bar was practically impossible to fill, but was completed after a hand shredding, 10 minute, marathon. One of the gamers decided to pass over to another game writer as he was spent. Level completed, it was now onto Level 52.<br />
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This level was odd. Randy walked to his van before, what appeared to be falling? He got up and set off in his van. Again the calls to him were made but he did not stop. At this point the gamers checked the controller ports and even changed the joystick. But Randy would not stop. The game was switched off and the Score Lord writers decided to contact Mark Burrows for an explanation.<br />
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An interview was not granted by Burrows, but he did write a letter to Score Lord. A letter which was never published.<br />
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"Dear Score Lord<br />
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Thanks for playing Randy Roofer, I'm very proud of it. Oh and well done for getting passed level 50!<br />
I thought nobody would manage it really! What was wrong with the game then?<br />
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Well nothing. Everything is correct and there is no glitches or problems. I play tested it to death before its release. I guess I have to explain what the so called "issues" are then I suppose.<br />
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Well it was too difficult to put every aspect in the game, but I'm sure you could figure it out. Thing is, is that Randy was working hard and servicing the women, but level 51 is his change right? He starts having it off with the poofs you see and gets that dirty AIDS disease!<br />
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Ha, ha, the dirty bastard! He had all that fanny on a plate and the goes and does that! I was trying to point out what's going on now in this country. That lot are putting it everywhere and they need stopping.<br />
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My game was just about showing people that if you're it right, you know with women and that, you'll be safe.<br />
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If you let him run his van for a good 15 minutes, you'll see the end<br />
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Cheers<br />
<br />
Mark<br />
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With this awful letter Score Lord did indeed finish the game. At the end of Level 52, Randy just keeps on driving. Until he stops.<br />
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Here the gamer is confronted by a cemetery. Randy slowly wonders over to an open grave and falls in!<br />
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The end titles then read "Stay on the STRAIGHT and narrow and you won't dies like them lot!"<br />
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Mark Burrows was said to have died of an AIDS related disease, some 5 years laterLake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-80360450967040730072013-01-30T10:23:00.001-08:002013-01-30T10:23:25.867-08:00This week: The song I Am Aren't Listening To<b style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">"Sky Dish fall"</b><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br />
<div style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
This is the end<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I can't believe the dish has fallen off again<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Straight passed the patio window and then<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Hear my temper burst again<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />For this is the end<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I was just watching Glee then the signal went<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />So overdue I rang them<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />£40 quid a month they've stolen<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Why'd the Sky dish fall?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When it crumbles<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Will Sky stand tall?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Face it all together?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Why'd the Sky dish fall?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When it crumbles</div>
<div style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
Will Sky stand tall?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Face it all together?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /> Sky dish falls<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Sky dish falls<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Sky dish fall was just the start<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />A thousand emails and poles apart<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Where worlds collide and screens are dark<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />You may have my customer number, you can take my name<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />But you'll never have my renewal<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Why'd the Sky dish fall? (why'd the Sky dish fall?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When it crumbles (when it crumbles)</div>
<div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Will Sky stand tall? (Will Sky stand tall)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Face it all together? (Face it all together?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /> Sky dish falls<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Sky dish falls</div>
<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Why'd the Sky dish fall? (why'd the Sky dish fall?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When it crumbles (when it crumbles)</div>
<div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Will Sky stand tall? (Will Sky stand tall)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Face it all together? (Face it all together?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /> Sky dish falls<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></div>
<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><i style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">[x2:]</i><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Why'd the Sky dish fall?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When it crumbles<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />We Sky stand tall?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Where you go I go<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />What you see I don't see<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I know I'd never be me<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Without the Sky security<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Of your channel charms<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keeping me from harm<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Put the remote in my hand<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />And we'll stand<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Why'd the Sky dish fall? (why'd the Sky dish fall?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When it crumbles (when it crumbles)</div>
<div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Will Sky stand tall? (Will Sky stand tall)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Face it all together? (Face it all together?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /> Sky dish falls</div>
<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Why'd the Sky dish fall? (why'd the Sky dish fall?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When it crumbles (when it crumbles)</div>
<div style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Will Sky stand tall? (Will Sky stand tall)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Face it all together? (Face it all together?)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /> Sky dish falls</div>
<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Let the Sky dish fall<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Will Sky stand tall?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />As Sky dish falls<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Oh shit!</div>
Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-26105123104764961122013-01-07T04:46:00.001-08:002013-01-07T04:46:33.417-08:00This week:Reginald Gardener's Encrypted PasswordsReginald Gardener's Encrypted Passwords was a game created in the 1996 for a never released system, The Rothchester Smythe Ellipse 5.<br />
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The game its self centred around the adventures of the title character "Reginald Gardener".<br />
In the game you are tasked with locating all the lost passwords that Reginald has has forgotten due to an unfortunate accident.<br />
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The game starts as our protagonist leaves his office at the keyring, gonk, factory. The thought bubble above Reginald's head states "WHAT A TERRIBLE DAY AT THE KEYRING GONK FACTORY!" and in the next: "AND NOW IT'S DARK AND STARTED RAINING!" Reginald then begins to make his way home in the rain, flustered and tired.<br />
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As Reginald is guided down the street by the player, he passes a local fast food restaurant called "OdOnallds". Outside there appears to be 3 teenage lads "fooling around" in a food fight. Reg' pays no head and continues home. But without warning, one of the Chicken Nuggets being thrown, misses its target and strikes Reg' on the back of the head!<br />
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The screen fades to black, then fades back in to see our hero sitting on the curb dazed. As Reg' rubs his head the thought bubble reads "WHA.. WHAT HAPPENED?" then another reads "OH NO THE NUGGET! MY FRAGILE MIND! THE ENCRYPTED PASSWORDS FOR THE KEYRING GONK FACTORY!"<br />
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So begins an adventure of a top down view point, in an 8 bit universe. From here on in Reg' will be tasked with visiting a vast universe comprised of important levels like "Mothers Maiden Name" and "First School Attended".<br />
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The game its self was created by twins John and Kevin Syllabus, along with the Ellipse 5 in there porta cabin workshop in Hyde. Bitz Bytez and Knobbly Bits magazine interviewed them at the time to see what they had created. Impressed as the reporter was with the game and the machine, he was unnerved by the brothers being "conjoined twins".<br />
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The twins themselves refused to be photographed for fear of being mocked, but did let the machine and game to be photographed. As much as companies and individuals showed interest, the machine never saw production.<br />
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It was as late as 2005 that reporter Daniel Jackson5 decided to compose a "Where are they now?" story for the brothers. Upon visiting the porta cabin, he found a very run down site with over grown ivy and little signs of life. On entering the open door, he spotted a figure sitting on the floor, wrapped in a blanket. The figure sat amongst the dishevelled work shop junk, playing a game.<br />
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The reporter never completed the assignment, and only after his suicide in 2012 (run over himself with a steam roller), the story and suicide note were found in his house. It tells of the fateful night he visited the twins. How the figure never turned away from the game, and only sAID ON THING:<br />
<br />
"KEVIN WAS A SHORT SIGHTED IDIOT. WE COULD HAVE BEEN MILLIONAIRES. SO I STRANGLED HIM!"<br />
<br />
The hunched figure dropped the blanket to reveal a bearded John, connected to a skeleton.Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-41374021272922416082012-06-07T03:31:00.003-07:002012-06-07T03:31:50.079-07:00This Week: A Competition I Am Aren't EnteringThe year was 1976 and an ageing star was making a come back on kids tv show Swap Shop.<br />
Cliff Richards was not only performing a come back hit "Devil Woman", but announcing a competition.<br />
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To aid Cliff's self promotion he announced that he was seeking a bride to be for his come back. Cliff told the viewers that he would hold open auditions the length and breadth of the country for 3 weeks solid. The proposed talent would be whittled down over the weeks with live tv shows. Each round would be judged by Cliff and two other stars, Jimmy Saville and Bruce Forsythe.<br />
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A the the televised rounds commenced the British public were transfixed, and viewing figures went through the roof. As Cliff was warm and engaging, Bruce was witty and sometimes flirtatious. Saville on the other hand was down right nasty and mean. This was topped one week when he referred to a lady from Bournemouth as "looking like a plate of offal rolled in a sleeping bag of sick".<br />
<br />
As the rounds continued the competition moved to the countries capital. It was in this round that something unexpected happened. As the panel waited, unaware of what the next contestant looked like. Out walked A balding, ginger haired, spectacle wearing man. With a large object under a cloth. This man announced himself businessman and inventor "Clive Sinclair". Under the cloth, he revealed his "hermanoid": "Elsie".<br />
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Initially the crowd burst into laughter. Saville puffed on his cigar declaring this as "balderdash and flim flam". Forsythe saying "this is cyboring more than anything else!" But as the room quietened, one person in the theatre was falling in love. Cliff was mesmerised even before Clive switched Elsie on. Clive showed the audience how Elsie could sing and dance. Elsie knew all Cliff's back catalogue and even sang his current hit "Devil Woman" in it's clunky, robotic, voice.<br />
<br />
With the performance concluding the judges gave their opinions. Bruce said he was "amused and intrigued" by Elsie's talents. Saville bemoaned the robot temptress saying "guys is guys, gals is gals. That's just a bean tin!" But Cliff gave the deciding vote: "You've led me to love Elsie, you're my bride!" The crowd applauded in the theatre and across the country. Cliff declared he would marry in the morning!<br />
<br />
As the huge wedding went on, the eyes of the world watched the televised event. As Cliff declared "I do!" Elsie declared "syntax error", until the Sinclair (always near by) corrected the error. The passing months saw Cliff and Elsie honey moon around the world (with Sinclair in the back ground of every camera shot).<br />
But by time the Wimbledon Tennis Tournament arrived, it appeared there was trouble in paradise. Spotted at the finals was Cliff and Clive, but no Elsie.<br />
<br />
Cliff shrugged off the questions after the men's final, declaring "okay, Elsie is a little unwell. Clive will have it sorted pretty soon. Thanks!" As Cliff continued his ascension of the charts, he also released "Miss You Nights". With a performance on Top of the Pops. The back ground image being the face of Elsie.<br />
<br />
As the year was concluding, rumours began to circulate that Cliff and Elsie had split. Indeed, media vultures pictured Cliff and Clive arguing on Hampstead Heath. By the new year, Cliff announced all ties with Clive and Elsie were cut. Nobody really found out what went in those fleeting days but Cliff managed to resurrect his career and never dabbled with robot love again. Clive went on to marry and have children of his own. Much to Cliff's managements surprise.Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-25210815493181276702012-05-12T04:41:00.000-07:002012-05-12T04:41:44.920-07:00This Week: Owen Hargreaves Soccer Playstation 3With the transfer of Owen Hargreaves from Bayern Munich in 2007, Owen Hargreaves agent saw fit to promote his player's standing for his new club.<br />
Of the many self promoting exploits Hargreaves ventured into, a video game seemed a worthy asset to his profile. With the new Playstation system hitting the shops, Hargreaves's agent: Helmet Worn decided to capitalize on this.<br />
Approaching Sony regarding this, Worn agreed a deal to launch a game based on Hargreaves's exploits as a Manchester United player. Hargreaves was brought in early to discuss his routine at the club and also to "motion capture" his playing style.<br />
Sony worked strenuously to capture everything that would occur in the players day to help immerse the player of the video game. It was so impressive, that Sony included Alex Ferguson himself in the game!<br />
Once the game was released, sales were excellent. Fans declared the game to be the "next level" in football simulation. But after 3 months, gamers started to gather on internet forums to excitedly talk of how the game became really strange!<br />
As Sony had worked so hard to programme all the elements that made Hargreaves the talented player he was. They also created a programme that was self aware! As Hargreaves became injured, the excitement of the crowds and goals lessened. These were swapped for treadmills and laps alone, on a training pitch. As this became tiresome for the gamer, it became a point of anger for the CPU Alex Ferguson!<br />
As Hargreaves worked on the weights in the gym, a voice would be heard saying: "Off there new Own, I need yee ta do a few jorbs!" The CPU Ferguson had decided that if Hargreaves would no play, then he would earn his crust as an odd job man!<br />
The player became dumbfounded by new tasks he where given. Painting walls, building fences, fitting windows. Even cleaning boots! As the game had morphed into the bizarre world, so had the computer Ferguson. As tasks were finished Sir Alex would arrive to give barely a whisper of credit. Owen's character started to become disillusioned as a footballer. Ferguson though, only became more demanding. More tasks were thrown at Hargreaves and his reliability slipped. It became a regular occurrence for the player to here Ferguson scream: "NOWEN,WHA' YA DOOON!" as Hargreaves errors increased.<br />
Gamers also began to become sick of the Ribenna faced, hair trigger tempered, jock appearing. Many decided to sell the game rather feel the apoplectic rage of the unapologetic bastard. For those who stayed on, a new phrase was born: "Leave it to Hargreaves" as many cited the games mutation akin to a Norman Wisdom film.<br />
In the end, the sadomasachistic few that clung on were rewarded with a get out. With Hargreaves stat's at an all time low, a get out clause arrived as Ferguson became bored of the "lilly livered odd job man". The player made a youtube video of Hargreaves work out and the game ended as Owen left for Manchester City.<br />
Hargreaves himself was asked about the game's similarity to his own real time at United, with Hargreaves declaring: "no comment!" <br />
<br />Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-18659687150290850582012-03-23T04:25:00.001-07:002012-03-23T04:29:00.738-07:00This week: A TV Show I Am Aren't Watching: "Fathom" ITV 1987Fathom was an ITV quiz show that ran for only five episodes in 1987.<br />
Early in 1985, ITV bosses had become increasingly frustrated with their dwindling viewer figures, and the strength of the BBC quiz shows.<br />
With this in mind, bosses worked closely with companies willing to invest heavily in a new show which would in turn show their goods in the ad breaks. The bosses devised a new idea that would be based around a generic quiz show format, but under the sea! This idea would be known as "Fathom".<br />
In Fathom, celebrity contestants would be taken by submarine to an underwater base, were they would answer questions about the sea and general maritime events. The base itself was a large domed affair, which was anchored near the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. This base was manned by five full time aquatic experts and ten tv crew members.<br />
The opening titles of Fathom showed the three celebrity contestants entering the sub and taking their seats. This was interspersed with pre-recorded footage of the contestants saying how they felt about going on the quiz. The screen would then cut the the live footage of the celebrities entering the quiz dome and taking their seats.<br />
The show was hosted by Fred Dineage with additional support from the super computer "Depth Charge". Dineage was dressed as a ship's captain, complete with hat and jacket. Depth Charge was a cabinet style super computer with rows of flashing lights that made up a face. It was not uncommon for Depth Charge to "but in" on Dineage's questions, often causing Dineage to bite his lip before saying "thank you Depth Charge, speak when spoken to!"<br />
Each of the five rounds would have a nautical title such as "Salty Sea Dog" which involved tasting and guessing the sea food. Or "Down Periscope" which involved a periscope dropping down for the contestant to guess the partially blurred, sea based, item. At the end of the quiz the contestant with the most points would win the "Captains Wheel" trophy before leaving with the other contestants.<br />
Viewing figures for Depth Charge were exceptional. Bosses were elated that it was such a success. But into episode five, disaster struck. The three contestants this week were: Keith Harris and Orville, Matthew Kelly and Dave Lee Travis. The journey to the base went without error, and all contestants were excited and as Orville put it: "a little bit scared". The rounds went to plan but near the final round disaster struck.<br />
Through one of the many viewing, port holes, a tv camera man saw to his amazement, a Hunter Class Russian Submarine colliding with the base! A large bang was heard and many staff members fell to the ground. Dineage was seen by millions to be visibly shook, but like the professional he was. carried on.<br />
Viewers at home sat in stunned silence as the situation worsened quickly. As Dineage asked Depth Charge for the scores, another lighter bang could be heard. As the camera spun round it was apparent that one of the periscopes above Keith Harris's head, had dropped down and knocked the children's entertainer clean out!<br />
More unsettling was that as Harris lay motionless with his head on the desk, Orville continued to speak! "I want my mummy, I want my mummy!" Screamed the duck. As Dineage stumbled for a reply, Depth Charge could clearly be heard saying "well I didn't see that coming!" As the set slowly descended into chaos, crew could be seen racing across the studio towards the away sub. The cameras kept rolling though and as one hand held camera man filmed the staff leaving, another filmed the dramatic proceedings in the dome. Matthew Kelly could be seen strangling Dave Lee Travis as Dineage pleaded for calm. Depth Charge began praying to God and then sobbing and cursing God for not giving him wheels and leaving him to die. By now the away sub was full, all but for one more place. Dineage was waving a spear gun at the other contestants as he made good his escape.<br />
As a large crack appeared in the dome and water came cascading in, viewers could see Orville singing on his own: "I wish I could swim, right out of this bin, but I can't!"<br />
Then the screen went blank.<br />
ITV bosses made a 30 second apology announcement the next day, citing the incident and loss of four lives was down to the Russian submarine being off course. The shows developers never went to sea again.<br />
Six months later, a green bearded, dishevelled Orville was rescued from a remote island in the Atlantic. His subsequent multi million selling book made his fortune. The book concept was then bought up and turned into Castaway starring Tom Hanks.Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-45647622127770779332012-03-21T06:33:00.002-07:002012-03-21T06:33:42.072-07:00This week: Motorway Commodore 64 1986Motorway was a game produced by Turbo Fire Studios in 1986.<br />
The game took 2 years to develop in the bedroom of Kevin and Barry Foam in Birmingham.<br />
The idea of the game was to drive from one destination to the next. Kevin (the elder of the two brothers) convinced his younger brother Barry, that the game should not contain elements of other games, such as count down timers, chasing/being chased by other vehicles. Not even crashes.<br />
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Instead the game would be accomplished by driving from point A to B on a map from the first screen. Once the root had been plotted, the view switched to an in car view of a Mini Metro. The controls were the first stumbling point for first time players as they were vast. The "phone book" sized manual informed players that not only would the joystick be used for control of speed and direction. Virtually every key on the keyboard would be used also!<br />
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Some of the many keyboards commands were as follows: "Space bar" would work the wind screen wipers when it rained. Simple enough it would seem, but for the wipers to stay on the space bar had to be held down! If a player found this a problem then it was just the tip of the iceberg. For instance the "Z" key controlled the car's choke. The choke had to be set before the car could even be started. Gamers found themselves quite often "flooding" the engine by leaving it open too long. It was often found the young gamers enlisted the help of dad to start the car. Unfortunately this also lead to many fathers informing sons that "if we want to make it to Stoke son, we'll have to let me do the driving!" and sons returning to their fathers complaining "are we there yet?"<br />
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Many gamers actually thought the game flawed as some of the commands never worked. In fact this was not the case. Barry Foam stated in an interview some years later: "Kevin was such a control freak, he just ignored many of my ideas, I had to do something. So basically I made it so the car was continually knackered and needed you to limp through the game or break down!" Such things as faulty window wipers, faulty lights, brakes, and worst of all, a radio that when switched on could not be switched off!<br />
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Though the game became quite tiresome after hours of play, Barry managed to sneak in some more enjoyable elements. Firstly was the petrol stop. Although Kevin knew of this, and indeed helped Barry develop this part. He did not know how Barry had changed it. For starters Barry had made the fuel gauge highly unreliable. This meant that depending on how fast you were going, the needle was pointed to "full" then suddenly "empty". Gamers became worried sick looking for the turn off for services, to the point many developed back pain and nervous ticks.<br />
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When gamers did fuel up, they found the first of Barry's surprises. First was the ability to simply fuel up and drive off! Indeed many found this to be more fun than anything! The second was the toilet stop. Barry had quite mischievously made a point of a player icon that filled up a yellow and brown colour at once! Gamers raced their character to toilets to find "out of order" signs and blocked lavatories. If all was well they could use urinals to fire a jet of urine at a cigarette but, walking the length of the urinal to "sink the battle ship".<br />
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When the game finally came out, most gamers were intrigued by the elements Barry had installed. It sold progressively well leading to a sequel: More Motorway. It was at this "junction" the brothers split in gaming became apparent. Kevin was angry with Barry's betrayal of his idea of gaming and this lead to solo development. As Barry's eye for the ridiculous lead him to games like Dick Spring's: Cow Tipper and Archibald Fallon's Magical Markers. His brother faired less well with Bus Que and Gas Meter.<br />
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Sadly penniless and jealous of his brother's fame, Kevin went on to work for the highways agency, designing contraflow systems.Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-46950838859861013692012-03-07T15:02:00.000-08:002012-03-07T15:02:57.879-08:00This week: Brass Band Playstation One 1997Brass Band was created by Taistral Styudyus in Yorkshire.<br />
The initial idea was conceived off the surprising success of the the film "Brassed Off", which made considerable stars of Ewan McCewan and Peter Pepper Pot.<br />
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The game was conceived by a local business man Frank Rank, who having witnessed some of the filming believed he could cash in on the "Brassed Off" fever. Rank, although a highly successful businessman was completely clueless with gaming and this is were the problems began.<br />
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Rank hired a local studio (Taistral Styudyus) to develop and deliver his own ideas. Frank wasn't completely clueless though and brought in a local Band Leader: Alan Pleng to give advice and help with details. Unfortunately for Rank though, his initial knowledge was soon marred by his drink problem. Rank spoke to close friends of how he found Pleng asleep slumped in front of his television. Rank said at the time: "Eee was bladdered. The fella was out cold with an empty whisky bottle next to im. Worster though were his gaming problem. The dorzy basteds at Taistral had lent him PaRappa the Rapper and a ps 1!" It wasn't long before Rank sacked Pleng and moved on with his own vision.<br />
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The game itself was something of an oddity that beat the Wii for innovation. This came in the form of the controllers. Rank believed that if one was to capture the feel of the brass band, one would need to tap that feeling. Rank developed 28 separate, wired, controller that resembled the instruments they would mimic! On top of this, Rank conceived a conductors "wand" to be the main focus.<br />
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As development continued, it was noticeable that this much effort was too much for the developers. Rank brought Pleng back in to "shore up" the instrumentation. But this too was proving unwise. As the budget grew beyond belief, Rank was horrified to find Pleng at home hanging from a noose. Pleng was attired as the character he loved: PaRappa the Rappa, complete with "boot polish" nose.<br />
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Rank was now unravelling, as he couldn't tell the incidents from the film, reality, and consequently the game. He layered in the story of Pleng's death and pushed forward a release date.<br />
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Two weeks after release, Rank declared himself broke and never developed a game again. The game bombed and was laughed out of town. But a twist was around the corner. Japanese gamers had received the game late as Rank was unaware of the Eastern potential. Gamers here revelled in buying all the instruments and it was not unknown for families to perform live at meet ups. The game gained a cult following and was loved by all!<br />
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Rank was worshipped in Japan where he went on to develop five more games in the series before retiring a wealthy man. Sadly for Pleng's family, the future was bleaker. Rank denied any knowledge of his involvement and left them penniless. A clearly insane Irene Pleng can be seen to this day, dressed as ParRappa the Rapper pushing a shopping trolley through busy streets. Cursing Rank's name<br />
<br />Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-21787413531768973492012-02-16T12:41:00.000-08:002012-02-16T12:41:30.524-08:00This week: Monty Saurus on the Stickleback 5 1998Monty Saurus was a children's game released by Spoilt Child Studios America in 1998 on it's new system the Stickleback 5.<br />
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The game was aged at children between the ages of 4-6 years. The premise of the game was a simple one, move the friendly, cartoon, dinosaur, left and right collecting pickups. These pickups being: food, drink, and eating cavemen.<br />
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The controllers for the Stickleback were hard wired single button affairs, with a single joystick. Technological advances had meant Spoilt Child Studios had developed an accompanying head set with microphone. In the case of Monty, it allowed children to give him orders: "eat", "bite" and "poop!"<br />
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Initial success was apparent, for straight away, heavy demand was being made in the run up to Christmas 1998. Unfortunately for Spoilt Child, they had not had enough time game testing, and were soon aware of gaming issues.<br />
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What senior developer Orville Shapeshifter had chosen to omit to other staff, was the internal "intelligence" of the game. Orville had been "moon lighting" at Black Onyx Games up the road. Onyx were themselves working on a gaming console for teenagers, and using the very same chip that Orville had used for the Stickleback. Orville was more than aware that the "Intellechip" was going to be big, but knew that Onyx were ironing out bugs for their forthcoming machine The Bachelorg, a gaming system for single men and losers and would be some time.<br />
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With this, Orville decided to see if the chip would push a long in a children's console. His eagerness was his downfall though as complaints were soon coming in. Parents were appalled to find out what their child could make Monty do. Here is an exert from one complaint:<br />
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"I came into the living room and sat down to watch my son playing his favourite game Monty Saurus. What I saw on screen was disgusting. My son was telling Monty to "bite" until he had eaten all the fruit off the trees. He then told Monty to "poop!" so he did. He then turned Monty round to eat his own "poop!" I couldn't believe this was happening. Next my son made Monty "puke" as he obviously didn't want to eat poop! Monty was then sick. I thought this was bad enough but then my son shouts "bite!" so excitedly. Monty starts eating the "poop sick!" I was shocked. My son then gets Monty to walk over to a bunch of cavemen. I thought he was going to "bite" as the game instructs, but no. My son shouts "poop!" and quick as you like, Monty has defecated on the caveman! He then tells Monty to "bite" again. Jesus, the poor dinosaur is eating a man covered in dinosaur crap! So then my son tells Monty to "puke" again, but on more cavemen! This goes on and on till Monty becomes pale and falls over. He doesn't get up! My son shouts: "yeah, Monty is dead!" I switched the machine off and sent him to his room. What were you people thinking?!"<br />
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Reports like this flooded Spoilt Child, who were rightly concerned and ordered a full recall on the system and game. The investigation led all the way to Shapeshifter, who could not be found. Days later his body was found inside a windmill. On a Crazy Golf course. Suicide was the verdict, so nobody else was accused. Leaving Shapeshifter as the sole person for the disaster.<br />
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Spoilt Child Studios was broken up and never again made technology of the kind again. But what of Black Onyx and the Bachelorg?<br />
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The following year the Bachelorg was released and became the biggest selling new console ever. And what sold the console so well? The Bundled game: Celebrity Breakdown.Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-75163835514069099372012-02-14T08:14:00.000-08:002012-02-14T08:14:18.218-08:00This Week: Barry Von Richthofen PS1 1995"A stricken tri-plane is seen above the French Town of Amiens. It is 1918 and The Great War is nearly at an end. Infantry man Barry Blot has just discovered the town and the sight of the plane, having been separated from his unit. Following the plane instead of heading to the town, Blot finds the plane downed in a near bye field.<br />
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"Blot approaches cautiously, checking for the "hun" and any life in the pilot. It is clear the pilot is dead and that he is German flyer. Blot drags the body clear before seeing the plane explode in a bright ball of flames. As the flames dance in the rising sun, it is clear to Blot that the man is the image of himself! On checking the pilot's papers Blot is shocked to reveal he is none other than "Manfred Von Richtofen" The Red Baron!<br />
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"(Oh and he also looked at the bright red tri-plane, and figured it was probably him.)<br />
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So begins the journey for Barry Blot. Removing a flight ready pigeon for his kit bag, Barry writes a message to home:<br />
(The scroller writes)<br />
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"Dear Mam and Dad,<br />
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The weather here is lovely. It would be better if there wasn't a War on, but hey-ho. Got into some bother in the first battle so ran away. I've had a change of heart now since I remembered they will shoot me for it. Anyway, you have to tell General Ash Burton Grove that The Red Barron is dead and I am going to be him! Shhh, don't tell anyone, (like that snooty slag, Vera Bollard at number 42) as it's on a need to know basis. I'm planning to fool the hun into thinking I got out alive when secretly I will be sending a flying pigeon home with jerry's plans each week. I reckon my Grammar School German will get me through and I'll blag the flying. Any shooting will involve missing or shooting their lot down!<br />
Stay safe mam, and keep grand dad away from my parsnips in the potting shed!<br />
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Love<br />
Barry".<br />
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So begins the game. Barry dons the Baron's flying suit and buries the body. Will the Germans smell a rat? Will Barry be shot down by RAF? How many live pigeons does Barry have in that bag?<br />
All these questions will soon be answered!Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-40065775735209745372012-02-03T03:43:00.000-08:002012-02-03T03:50:43.578-08:00Nope It's: "Kids TV I Am Aren't Seeing!This week: "Trilby and Co" LWT 1978-1982<br />
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Trilby and Co was a kids tv programme aimed at 4 to 6 year olds and pre school kids.<br />
It was commissioned by London Weekend Television and filmed around the South East of England.<br />
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In early 1976 producers for children's television devised a new programme to entertain and educate at the same time. The programme would follow the adventures of a live chimpanzee called "Trilby". Trilby would drive a double decker, red, London bus to schools and meet school children. There with his assistant Aljanon, he would "talk" to the kids about school and learning. A small sub story would involve Trilby collected numbers and letters to fill his "Monkey Board".<br />
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Trilby's helper, Aljanon was played by a black man (Marcus Mears) who would "speak" for Trilby using such lines as "what was that Trilby, you want the kids to give you a banana?" or "what was the Trilby, you want to go to sleep now?" Casting of both Trilby and Aljanon took some time as both needed to suit each other. As Trilby needed to be well behaved, Aljanon needed to be able to follow the handlers course and look after Trilby and the safety of children.<br />
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In late 1977 a chimp called Mr Fitz had been deemed suitable and had bonded well with Mears. Filming soon began and that is when the problems began. For although Trilby was manageable in most parts, he was prone to mood swings. In a documentary of "Kidz Top 40", Mears was asked about the time with Trilby. "The chimp was horrible. For every adorable cuddle, there was faeces throwing and blind refusal to cooperate".<br />
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In Mears biography (published in 1990 "Monkey Business and Me". Flannel Books) he tells of how Trilby would take off his blue boiler suit and cap, parading around the bus naked. The problems were not particular to Trilby either, as Mears tells how racist exec's paid the monkey more than him, forcing him to quit the show in 1981. Mears was replaced by "Jan" (Sue Flipflop) with no explanation to fans, late 1981, but was also unhappy with the chimp. Flipflop left the show after rumours of Trilby trying to "make love on her".<br />
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Sadly by November 1982, it was all over. Trilby was cancelled after an "automotive incident". Chinese whispers circulated that Trilby (now heavily dosed drunk and chain smoker) had actually figured out how to drive the bus! Word spread that the chimp escaped from his handler and jumped into the bus, started it, and went screaming off round the studio car park. Witnesses reported seeing the chimp grinning in the driving seat, "flipping the bird" to shocked onlookers. After hundreds of pounds of damage to parked cars, the bus crashed. The LWT Marksman took aim and shot Trilby. Bringing an end to a bitter sweet adventure.<br />
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Exec's were rightly saddened by the passing of Trilby, but had to move on. They followed this up with Gonk! in 1983. It was an animated stomach that taught children how to eat the right food. Although popular, it never captured the hearts of a cheeky chimp and a helper called Aljanon.<br />
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To this day you can see a statue dedicated to the memory of "Mr Fitz" at Gypsy Adventure Park, Norwich. The inscription on the stand reads: "Mr Fitz, actor, womaniser, misunderstood bus thief"<br />
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<br />Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-46916438609221199512012-01-30T10:07:00.000-08:002012-01-30T10:07:34.689-08:00This week: Talon Torque Thrust: Justicator Sega Mega Drive 1994Talon Torque Thrust: Justicator, was a game released by games producer Cyril in 1994.<br />
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The game followed ex Special Forces Talon Torque Thrust, who has to battle the crime ridden streets of Talamus City. The flying elements of the game are taken from a cockpit, first person, view of the Knight Falcon. The Falcon is a multi million pound "Chopper-Jet" hybrid, armed to the teeth with state of the art weaponry.<br />
There are two elements to the game, one consisting of flying the Falcon and engaging enemy "Glider Hoards". And taking on the enemy at ground level in game play that is viewed as a side on scroller. At any time Talon is flying the Falcon, he may receive communications from various characters. These include Mayor Brian Tyler, a man trying to get Talon "onside" to help him clear the streets. Police Chief Henry Martland, a tough cop who doesn't trust Talon. And Seegus Raynard, a crazy, criminal, master mind. Hell bent on ruining both Tyler and Martland, through criminal acts and unearthing secrets about their past<br />
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When Talon is contacted, a speech bubble appears showing an image of the caller and what they want. Talon is offered money or "knowledge" for missions that pay for his weaponry. The money can be spent at Cuboid Industries, where Professor Kelvin produces strange weapons behind the companies back. The knowledge given to Talon, will give him the information to know who to trust and which missions to take. As the game progresses, we see Talon find more clues to the Cities problems and also shows Talon double crossed on occasion.<br />
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The game was largely overlooked on release, but has a cult following now. It had a small release quantity compared to other games, and was never released in Japan. Copies can now fetch many hundreds of pounds to collectors and is highly sought after in it's full release packaging: Box, game, instructions, map, and sunglasses. The sunglasses are the very same that Talon is wearing in game. Many didn't realise, that to finish the game by opening the safe and stealing the microfilm, one had to copy the code imprinted on the glasses arms.<br />
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<br />Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-47483776094410094852012-01-19T10:47:00.000-08:002012-01-19T10:47:14.197-08:00This week: Operation Wolfamstow Sega Mega Drive<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">Operation Wolfamstow was a first person shooter from Developers Potaito (1988)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">The object of the game is to rescue the four hostages in the shopping centre. The game is divided into six stages: Chingford Setup, Epping Forest,Woodford, Tottenham, Leyton, Leytonstone, and London City Airport. Completion of each stage advances the story. For example, upon completing the Epping Forest stage, an enemy leader is interrogated and the location of the enemy's multi story car park is found. This was one of the first shooter games to feature a storyline, and it had some similarities to real special operations missions of East 17.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">The band originally felt that having a game about their life would be unimaginably dull, as they spent most days drinking Tizer and buying clothes two sizes too big. Management agreed with this and allowed Tony Mortimer to "expand on the East 17 universe." Thus a first person shooter was born. Tony devised an idea that before each level, a band member shown holding an uzi would advise the players that: "shit has got real man, an it's time pop some caps innit?!"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">The player would then begin the level with the track "House of Love" booming in their ears. Every so often senior enemy characters would jump out as a band member would shout "dat bitch iz not showin' you respek!" as a sign you need to eliminate the offender. As the first level reached its climax, a banner would declare: "Chingford Massive!" as the screen was filled with big coated hoodies, in silly hats. A band member can clearly be heard saying: "BLAP, BLAP, BLAP!" In the back ground.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">The game would continue in this way until the last level was reached. This was the most difficult level and was accompanied by the song "Stay Another Day". The Airport level also has snow fall to enhance the potential for Christmas sales of game and song. The level began with Tony Mortimer informing the player: "Right this is it. Forget oh that atha shit. Let's make some noise!" From there the action is fast and none stop. The difficulty heightened as amongst the hoodie gangsters are the general public. All off to sunny climbs. As the player faces the final baddie, the band itself joins the fight in pixelated glory. One by one they are sadly offed and it is also possible to release a handbrake on a truck by shooting it. Thus seeing Brian Harvey squashed to death.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Once the game is complete, the band members are shown on screen with arms around each other smiling at the player.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">"You did it brav, that was pucka, you trumpet!"</span></span>Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-88346152387321890502012-01-17T05:06:00.000-08:002012-01-18T14:27:48.690-08:00This week: Stylophone Hero, Playstation 2Stylophone Hero is the third game in a series of musical video games released in 2005<br />
After the roaring success of the original game (Kazoo Hero) and the eagerly awaited sequel (Theremin Hero), developers Blue Bog Roll decided to push the musical potential to its extremes.<br />
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The original concept, Kazoo Hero was released on the Playstion 1 (1998) to incredible fan fare. In the game players used the wired kazoo to play along to popular kazoo hits. Within this the player could "jam along" to such hits as Frank Zappers "Hungry Freaks, Daddy", Jimi Hendrix's "Cross Town Traffic", and The Beatles "Lovely Rita" from "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band".<br />
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An interesting aside to this was that the screen showed nothing but the album cover and no actual lead into how the tune should be played on screen or using the instrument. Despite this draw back and an unseen audience booing the poor performance, it was not uncommon for players to play into the early hours of the morning, due to the simple "pick up and play" concept.<br />
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With the success of the first game came a much anticipated sequel Theremin Hero, (1999). The bar had been set quite high by Blue Bog Roll developers, so a new idea was born. This centred around the Theremin. Players used the Theremin by waving there hand close to the instrument to create "sound waves". Although many found the concept unashamedly "hat stand", it still sold 13 million units. Players could "wave along" to such hits as The Beach Boys "Good Vibrations", Led Zepplin's "whole Lotta Love" and "No Quarter". The game also had "unlockable" cinema score content for 50's B-Movies.<br />
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The final part in the "Hero" game trilogy was Stylophone Hero (2005) on the Playstation 2. Many believed that developers had rung the concept dry as rival development studios had created hits like Empty Washing Up Bottle: Full of Dry Rice and the heavily lauded, 20 Great Triangle Percussion Hits. But Blue Bog Roll had one more ace up it's sleeve. This was Stylophone Hero. A game that consisted of a small electronic box like keyboard, with metal strip that had segmented notes. The instrument was played using a stylus connected to the device to produce sounds akin to somebody asphyxiating a goose eating a bumble bee.<br />
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The public surprisingly lapped it up, with sales in access of 22 million units by the end of 2005 making it the "must have" Christmas toy. The game came bundled with hits like David Bowie's "Space Oddity" and "Slip Away", Kraftwerk's "Pocket Calculator". Other groups that featured keyboards heavily but not necessarily the Sylophone, jumped on board to boost flagging careers. These included The Pet Shop Boys "West End Girls" and Erasure with their hit "Sometimes"<br />
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Such was the popularity of Stylophone Hero that "Hero Bands" were formed containing the previous two instrumental games. Groups such as "Blow-Wave-Bleep" and "Rolf's 8 Ball" with their incredibly catchy hit "The boy who cried Rolf!" drew critical yet short term fame.<br />
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In the end of 2006, the Hero games era had passed. Blue Bog Roll had ran out of paper and with nothing but a cardboard tube to its name, went into receivership and folded. New ideas and consoles came and swallowed up the format and today the Hero games are remembered with great nostalgia.Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-11236348762148546452012-01-15T12:48:00.000-08:002012-01-15T12:48:10.180-08:00Rumba: First Ballad: Master System<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">Rumba: First Ballad was top down vertical dancing game for the Sega Master System</span><br style="background-color: white; text-align: left;" /><br style="background-color: white; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">First Ballad (also known as Rumba: First Ballad) is a 1986 dance video game directed by Lou Bega. The game follows Lou Bega as John Rumba, a troubled and misunderstood Free Dance veteran, with Judge Will Teasle (Bruce Forsythe) as his nemesis and Colonel Samuel Trautman (Len Goodman) as his former dance teacher and only ally. It was released on October 22, 1986. Based on David Morrell's 1972 novel of the same name, it was the first of the Rumba series. Unlike the sequels, which were musical adventure films set in foreign countries, First Ballad was a post-Cha-Cha-Cha psychological thriller set in the United States. First Ballad lacks the jazz hands and hot shoe shuffle that would become a trademark of the series</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first level follows the film closely as John dances up the screen distracting local law enforcement and scaring children. The aim of the game is to shoot musical notes from a saxophone, so enthralling the town into involuntary dancing and singing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Soon the Sheriff Forsythe arrives to arrest John for his creepy dance moves and encouraging fruity behaviour.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the cells John is tortured with the continuous play of Take These Broken Wings by Mister Mister. Tapping your buttons as fast as possible increases your "tolerance meter" until the timer is beaten.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Escaping the cells John steals a girls bicycle and pedals of to a local dance hall to hold up and face off the sheriff and make a stand on his turf.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Will John make it through the game alive?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Will level 5 "Pans People: High Kicks and Twirls" be too much?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or will Len Goodman save the day with a "SEVEN!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div>Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-8703089639411929092012-01-12T13:01:00.000-08:002012-01-12T13:01:38.789-08:00This week: Kingston Peabody's Need For SpeedYou are Kingston Peabody!<br />
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(You are, live with it)<br />
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You have become the air apparent to Lord Barrington Smythe's fortune.<br />
The monotonous scroller informs you that in a distant Summer, some 20 years previous. Your mother (washer lady, Mavis Peabody) did engage in an act of "salacious parlour games" with Lord of the house Smythe.<br />
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Dismissed from the house days later for acts of candle wick pilfery, Mavis finds solace in the work houses. Heavily pregnant, she is unaware that Smythe has changed his will. Having returned from Java (the place not the downloadable programme) afflicted with Beriberi, he is ridden with guilt (and disease) for his true love. Knowing his days are not long, he informs his solicitors of his intentions. Thus leaving his wife (Petunia) and son (Arthur) with nothing.<br />
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Through an arduous labour, Mavis delivers her son Kingston but only lives long enough to kiss him goodbye. Kingston is raised by auntie and uncle Peabody, living an impoverished life of err impoverishment. Only on his 18th birthday is he informed of his new found wealth, having been tracked down by Smythe's solicitors; whose office is two doors down from the glue factory.<br />
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Kingston declares that from this day forth, he shall live the life of a high flying man about town and buy a car!<br />
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The game has now started proper and finds our hero Kingston wandering around the Ford Motor dealership of the year 1913. Struck by the complexity of choice (one car) your character indicates to the clerk that he wishes to purchase said vehicle post haste. He hands over $825 dollars to the clerk, who absent mindedly releases his monocle from his astonished face.<br />
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Your first driving of the game is at the accompaniment of your instructor Hanley Von Bratwurst. A bullish man of ill temper. Hanley barks orders in his heavy German accent, "Shtraight on! Levt! Dumkof, zee trottle iz too high!" Before declaring you have passed.<br />
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It is at this point that your time in America ends as you venture to England, to seek out the truth behind your fathers life and death and other motoring high jinx.<br />
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Having settled in a swanky London pad you receive this first telegram from an as yet unknown nemesis. The scrolling roller declares a wager is at hand! Lord Finbar Hydron Collider III has made his intentions clear to sully the name of the rich American, tarnishing the well to do area with his odd accent and flash car. He declares a race from London to Brighton and wants you in the race!<br />
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Having dictated your eagerness to partake with your butler Cloisters, you begin spending on the necessary provisions for the event. At the local corner shop, you spend lavishly on scones, buns, jam, and a chest of tea. At the local garage you purchase tires, tools, parts. (Then hand them all to Cloisters).<br />
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The start line beckons, and as you thumb the throttle a speech bubble appears from an unidentified opponent to you left: "Blast you Peabody, blast you! The money should be mine! You may know me as Finbar, but my real name is Arthur Barrington Smythe!"<br />
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As you look on in shock, the flag drops and you push the throttle as the car lurches forward, gallantly towards 45 mph. There is more than bragging rights at stake now!!!Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-45081250938185027912011-12-23T12:49:00.001-08:002011-12-23T12:52:07.169-08:00The Sport of Teenish, a failed idea<br />
Teenish is a racquet game invented in the late 19th Century, the exact same time as tennis.<br />
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At the time it was considered a "war of two sports", which would drive hotly fought divides amongst lawn associations across the land.<br />
If one where to compare this split in sports, one would say it is like the technological battle of Blu Ray to HD DVD or Beetamax to VHS or Alison Moyet to Kirstie MacColl. Thankfully the battle between the last two was solved by MacColl proving no matter how hard you are, one can not win in a head butting fight with a speed boat.<br />
Similarities in both sports was apparent. Both used racquets. Both had courts and nets. Yet one was destined to fail due to its short comings. As tennis embraced the free flowing play and daring shots. teenish did not.<br />
Teenish had a few failings that the tennis hierarchy simply scoffed at. Teenish showed many that although a spectacle, setting fire to the racquet between each point was fool hardy.<br />
As winning a set in tennis was a solid point of progress, winning a set in teenish was met with the triumphant set winner, having the word "set!" tattooed into their arm.<br />
The points system of tennis, although strange at first. Was welcomed and easily digested. Teenish alas favoured less simplicity. As a set was finished without mention of one point. The umpire (on a seat four times the height of tennis) would simply pass a ball boy a "Gas bill algorithm" to read out. Frustrated players would often "bully" ball boys into answers, as top lips quivered and many a child left the court mid game never to return in floods of tears.<br />
Some two whole years after Teenishisisis (ah bollocks!) inception, it was gone. A sport that had the world in it's hands yet chose a prosaic, malaise, of lunacy to bring the public into its world<br />
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MentalLake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-24842419743443354212011-11-28T08:18:00.001-08:002011-11-28T08:51:46.366-08:00This Week: Reg Varney: Bus Conductor Sega Mega CDReg Varney: Bus Conductor was a joint collaboration between Japanese and English developers during early 1992. Within the game you played cheeky bus conductor Reg, who has an insatiable appetite for young women and little time for taking fares.<br />
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You start your route heading out of the depot and holding tight to the pole at the rear of the bus until your first fare hops on board. Passengers have different ratings to Reg, and it's up to you to deal with them accordingly. The first class Reg encounters is "pensioner", a very slow, mumbling, codger, that Reg must compose his "patience meter" before taking the fare in copper coins.<br />
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Next level for Reg is "school kids". These are chased up to the top deck were Reg will have to power his "urchin gauge" before delivering a sharp slap to the back of the head and taking the fare. These prove troublesome for Reg as they will pay less and stay on longer, leaving Reg with the task of throwing them of the moving bus and shaking his fist shouting "bleddin' gits!"<br />
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The next level for Reg is a certain amount of respite in the form of "birds". Reg's "fanny magnet" will stop him collecting more fares and draw him to girls half his age, with "love heart" symbols above his head. As his route continues, combinations of all elements will test him into missing fares, until Blakey hops on board telling Reg "I'll have your badge for this Butler!"<br />
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The game caused much confusion on it's release as it was programmed in Japan, with sound completed in the UK. The English developers didn't have the heart to tell their Japanese cohorts that Reg was actually the driver and it was Jack Harper who was the conductor. Unfortunately, the Japanese had only just received the series and were bamboozled by the whole sorry affair. Indeed the English sound team used Bob Grant (Harper) for the voice over work, with only Stephen Lewis ("Blakey") used correctly. Such was the confusion and mess of the game that Stan's wife: Olive (Anna Karen) can clearly be seen being punched clean out at the end of the game. Not that this was ever seen, as it was only ever released in Japan, were fans only ever left the in game intro music playing, so they could dance to it dressed in ambiguously sexed bus conductor outfits.Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-14668142288235095862011-11-11T12:47:00.001-08:002011-11-11T13:28:23.400-08:00This week: Public Toilet Attendant for C64You are Cliff Sedgley, Public Toilet Attendant.<br />
In said role, Cliff's average day is err average. Mopping urine, dropping "scented hockey pucks", emptying the paid for cubicles, and replenishing loo roll.<br />
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But as the day progresses, so does Cliff's "busy meter". Mundane tasks increase: More urine, scented pucks, cash emptying. But then new tasks appear. Before Cliff can say "toilet duck", he's now staring at a blocked lav'.<br />
As Cliff applies the plunger, wafts of "pong!" put customers off, shriek "urgh!" grabbing their noses. Before Cliff can even start on the "urine mop meter" (filling it's yellow bar unnervingly quickly), Perry Lanwell the appointed council superintendent is on the blower, and Cliff has to answer some questions.<br />
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Perry asks Cliff why he's got a report on his desk from Frank Erston, the local park keeper. Frank wants to know why Len Shirter has been hanging outside "Cliff's" toilets offering kids sweets? Cliff is now in full on panic (as seen in his "full on panic" meter) as he now has to try and reassure Perry that Len was sent on his way (the mop bucket thrown at him) and that he won't be back any time soon. As officious as Perry is, he lets the matter rest leaving Cliff with all meters on red and flashing!<br />
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He now runs through his tasks at full speed! Replenish, mopping, coin emptying, unblocking! But Hells Bells what's this, whilst Cliff was on the phone to Perry, Len Shirter has sneaked into a cubicle and written his name and number in permanent marker! Cliff knows combining Harpic with Domestos will clean this, but a bulletin he minimised is flashing up some bowel shaking news!!!<br />
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Lord Mayor Thurston Taveriss Twining will be cutting the ribbon on the new disabled toilet and Cliff had completely forgot! Cliff looks at the countdown clock to see he has six minutes to make the place shine and smell like a pine forest containing a sulphur factory.<br />
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Will Cliff complete his tasks in time? Will Mayor Twining stop off for a scotch egg at Bella's Buns, buying Cliff more time? Does Len Shirton's plan too moon the local press follow through?<br />
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Only you decide<br />
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Game overLake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-74791927470378948162011-11-10T08:51:00.000-08:002011-11-10T08:51:08.368-08:00This week: Street Righter for the Sega MegadriveThis is a side on view "break Em Up" that was highly unpopular at the time of release.<br />
In it you play Barry Awning, a low level sales exec' who unwisely accompanies he over bearing work colleagues to the town centre after an early dart on a Friday afternoon.<br />
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As the drinks flow, voices begin to raise and with them tempers. Before Barry knows it, colleagues are in the early throws of a full on bust up with fellow drinkers. The screen cuts to a side on view of said raging protagonists and poor Barry in the middle. Barry has option tabs including "he's not worth it!", "You can't punch him he's wearing glasses!" and others including "You've got form, leave it out!"<br />
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Correct button combinations allow Barry to Calm Ron from accounts, bringing down his rage meter or settle Julie who should know better as she has a 14 month kid at home.<br />
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As level difficulty increases, Barry finds himself having to visit Graham Turnidge who covers the CCTV in the town centre. Graham is Barry's only hope as only he has the evidence to convict Alf Staunton from Wages, for glassing the guy in the wheel chair.<br />
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This level, titled: Sweet Talk Graham. Has you now facing a "bore meter" as Graham goes to great lengths in telling you he is only covering for the full time guy Kevin Sedgewick, who is on holiday with his partner Sue and the stepson Ivor, who is a nice lad bar the breaking and entering of the Qualcast Factory on Trent Rd. And after all, that was really down to the older lads goading him. Led by that bad lad Ian Snerton, who's dad is serving time for ram raiding Presto's with a milk float.<br />
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Having held out long enough to view the footage, it is apparent the quality is so poor Alf looks like Rolf Harris beating a settee with a news paper, so you head home not knowing Roy Barnley from HR has left you a voice mail saying he's inside for shooting a priest.<br />
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Game OverLake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-14352147360866880562011-11-09T13:03:00.000-08:002011-11-09T13:03:40.554-08:00This week: Laundromat for the NES<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> Laundromat. Ireen has rang in sick and you only have 20 mins to prep' machines, powders, and the "float". Her husband "idle Ron" is playing darts in the Miners Arms and will be of little use. Mr Tillington the owner will be furious if his mate's pub team: Sipford FC are left with dirty kits. It's up to you to keep the place running, update Mr Tillington, and call Ireen to tell her about her work shy husband.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Twelve machines stand before you, waiting powder and fabric softener. Two draws but which draw takes which product?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To add to this, Len the local "soft lad" has wondered in asking for Sue as he can't find "true north". Will you try to help Len, or will you ignore him and get the quilts in the dryers?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">All is going well and it's 6:30pm (half an hour till closing) but in walks "Soiled Barry" with his bed sheets. Only one machine is free and Dolly is heading towards it with the gusto of a Laundromat Veteran. Will you stop Len eating powder? Barry from staring at a child? Or beat Dolly to the last machine?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Your destiny awaits, but will it wash?</span>Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-24925443665133836562011-11-09T12:48:00.000-08:002011-11-09T12:48:46.258-08:00This week: Noel's Haunted House Party for the Super NESIn this Game (Halloween theme? I'm really late with this? Oh well) you control Noel Edmonds.<br />
Noel is having serious issues with guests of the haunted kind, so must endeavour to rid the halls of his Crinkley Bottom mansion.<br />
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Noel's only defence against this is to fool the haunted ner do wells in more and more over the top, highly elaborate "prat falls" in which Noel participates as a "disguised" interloper, fooling the ghoul into believing a less than believable sub plot.<br />
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When the victim is tortured enough, Noel reveals his true identity to the victim, who on seeing it is Noel, begins to laugh uncontrollably. In a manner befitting somebody with a metal plate in their head.<br />
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This is Noel's chance to strike and with this he forces the giggling toss pot into his "Gundge Tank", where they are kept and (yes) "gundged" before they (Tony Blackburn) finally realise that their career has long finished, and they spirit away back to late night radio.<br />
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In the game Noel may promote enough of his "laughter meter" to deploy Mr Blobby to fall on the unsuspecting spooks, which in turn promotes more of Noel's laughter meter.<br />
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The game ends when the local council telling Noel there are no more ghosts and he isn't funny any moreLake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-408696426308903711.post-4427758294056207382011-11-09T12:14:00.000-08:002011-11-09T12:14:29.039-08:00This week: Grace Brothers for the Atari 2600<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">In it you're a lift operator in a fancy department store called Grace Brothers</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">You must direct your lift with the assigned controller (a handle that goes up or down).</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">"Calls" will light up the screen as the waiting customers become more impatient to your slow lift progress.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">You will have to put up with lift "Muzak" of popular songs by the local popular hit parade acts like:Tina Charles "I love to Love", The Brotherhood of Man "Save all your kisses for Me" and "Disco Duck".</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">You will also have a large control panel numbered from 1-30 and <> plus >< buttons.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">On occasion you will be greeted by staff moving between floors and have to endure their inane chatter.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">Slocombe will blather on about her dripping pussy (caught in the rain), bumbling, oaf, ramblings of Mr Rumbold and Mr Humphries plying his "straight as a hairpin bend" banter to an overly embarrassed car of passengers.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">The game will end with you reaching the top floor and going "cap in hand" to Mr Grace to try and have Christmas Day off to spend with your parents and sit in front of the tv watching Are You Being Served? with you in it as a lift operator trying to get to the top floor to see Mr Grace to have Christmas Day off to spend with your parents and sit in front of the tv watching Are You Being Served? with you in it as a lift operator traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!</span>Lake Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01137656648513568280noreply@blogger.com0